Family Woes - 家庭困境

Most Family woes starts with misunderstandings. Here below is a story of family woes of five couples within two generations of extended Chinese family living in a district of Guangzhou known as Foshan. The story happens in the present.

大多数家庭困境始于误解。以下是生活在广州佛山地区的两代华人大家庭中的五对夫妇家庭的故事。故事发生在当下。

There are many classifications of family woes. These include:

家庭困境有很多分类。这些包括：

• Psychological and emotional woes: When a couple gets married, two personalities from two different family backgrounds crashed. Moods, Nerves, Emotions, Traditions - all create differing responses from two angles. These in turn create psychological and emotional woes not only for the couple but later for the other family members of the next generation.

心理和情感上的困境：当一对夫妇结婚时，来自两个不同家庭背景的两个人格崩溃了。情绪、神经、传统——都会从两个角度产生不同的反应。这些反过来不仅给这对夫妇而且后来给下一代的其他家庭成员造成心理和情感上的困扰。

• Cultural woes: Couples from different countries, or even from different provinces of China - can have cultural differences in customs and traditions. These can easily be turned into family woes.

文化困境：来自不同国家，甚至来自中国不同省份的夫妇在习俗和传统上可能存在文化差异。这些很容易变成家庭问题。

• Economic woes: Money has been said to be the root of all evils. This phrase is particularly true for married couples who who are experiencing deteriorating financial situations, especially due to external factors beyond the control of the couples, like the current COVID-19 where many people are made redundant.

经济困境：金钱被认为是万恶之源。这句话尤其适用于财务状况恶化的已婚夫妇，尤其是由于夫妻无法控制的外部因素，例如当前的 COVID-19，许多人被裁员。

• Health woes: When a couple gets married, the two parties are unaware of the health conditions his or her partner. There can be chronic diseases of a partner that other family members have to face and live up to. Such health woes can be worrisome for family members.

健康问题：当一对夫妇结婚时，双方都不知道他或她的伴侣的健康状况。伴侣的慢性病可能是其他家庭成员必须面对和忍受的。这种健康问题可能会让家庭成员感到担忧。

• Social problems: These woes are essentially caused by family relationship especially with parents’ relatives and with extended family members.

社会问题：这些困境主要是由家庭关系引起的，尤其是与父母的亲戚和大家庭成员的关系。

• Woes of social roles: Because of the fact that there is always a lack of clarity of the role of each individual within the family, disagreements within the family members can happen to give everyone unnecessary headaches.

社会角色的困境：由于家庭中每个人的角色总是缺乏明确性，家庭成员内部的分歧可能会发生，给每个人带来不必要的头痛。

All of the above family woes can be found in this story. Let us start telling this story by introducing the first of six couples - Guan Yongnian and his wife Liu Shuqi.

以上所有的家庭困境都可以在这个故事中找到。让我们从介绍六对夫妇中的第一对——关永年和他的妻子刘淑琪开始讲述这个故事。

以上所有的家庭困境都可以在这个故事中找到。让我们从介绍五对夫妇中的第一对——关永年夫妇开始讲述这个故事。

Guan Yongnian is a retired Mechanical Engineer in Beijing’s Aviation Meteorological Bureau. He is married to Liu Shuqi and they have a daughter and a son. However, Guan Yongnian has another daughter from his first marriage (his first wife died at the birth of this daughter, Guan Duoyun). Guan Duoyun is a bank executive married to Chen Zhijun, a Manager of a marketing company. Guan Yongnian and Liu Shuji’s daughter is Guan Yuqing, who works for the New China Airlines as one of the leading commercial airplane pilots of the company, a capable captain of the aviation industry. Their son is Guan Shulei, who is a totally spoilt brat, with no fixed job after dropping out of Technical College before finishing his technical education in motor mechanics.

关永年是北京航空气象局退休机械工程师。他与刘淑琪结婚，育有一女一子。然而，关永年在他的第一次婚姻中还有一个女儿（他的第一任妻子在这个女儿出生时就去世了，关多云）。关多云是一名银行高管，与营销公司经理陈志军结婚。关永年和刘淑琪的女儿是关玉清，在新华航工作，是该公司领先的商用飞机飞行员之一, 一位能干的航空业队长。他们的儿子是关树磊，他是个被宠坏的小子，从技校辍学，还没完成电机力学的技术教育，就没有固定的工作。

Guan Yongnian is a firm believer of patriarchy and of male dominance in society. His own Confucius upbringing make him focused on preserving the traditional role of the father as the primary leader and decision maker of the family - the father and sons take prominence over the mother and daughters. His notion of family life is that the men govern the outer world, while woes govern the home. His wife, whose thinkings are often at odds with Guan, is submissive to him and obeys the three “subordinations” of Chinese family life: A Woman has to be subordinate to her father in youth, her husband in maturity, and her son in old age.

关永年坚信父权制和男性主导社会。他自己的孔子教育使他专注于保留父亲作为家庭主要领导者和决策者的传统角色——父亲和儿子比母亲和女儿更重要。他对家庭生活的看法是，男人统治外部世界，而女人统治家庭。与管家思想时常发生矛盾的妻子，对他顺从，顺从了中国家庭生活的三个“从属”：女人年轻要服从父亲，成熟要服从丈夫，老年要服从儿子。

In such an arrangement therefore, Guan Yongnian has often insisted that the two elder sisters must always give both financial and moral supports to their only brother Guan Shulei to the extent that Shulei becomes lazy, dependent on his father and his sisters as if ‘of right’ and he is always rude to his sisters.

因此，在这样的安排下，关永年经常坚持让两个姐姐在经济上和精神上都给予唯一的弟弟关树磊，以至于树磊变得懒惰，像“理所当然”地依赖父亲和姐妹一样。 而且他总是对他的姐妹们很不客气。

Guan Yuqing had an argument with her father Guan Yongnian over the manner he treated her in favour of her brother, Guan Shulei. Here, the dispute was over the fact that Guan Yongnian wanted to give up the family home to let his son Guan Shulei and the in-laws Li Bei’s stay instead. As a result, Yuqing moved out of the family home and flatted outside.

关雨晴因父亲关永年对她的态度偏袒她的弟弟关树磊而与父亲发生争执。这里争论的焦点是关永年要放弃家宅，让儿子关树磊和公婆李北们留下来。于是，雨晴搬出家门，平铺在外面。

Second Couple: Guan Shulei and his fiancee, later his wife, Li Bei.

第二对：关树磊和他的未婚妻，后来他的妻子李贝。

This pair of young lovers is happy with one another, in spite of the fact that Li Bei knows that Guan Shulei is heavily dependent on the finance of his family members. As the old saying goes, “Love is Blind”. Li Bei’s parents, however, are greedy, and they took advantage of Guan Yongnian’s soft spot for Guan Shulei to allow the Li family to occupy Guan’s family home (the home actually belongs to Guan Yuqing). Li Bei encouraged Guan Shulei to work and Li Bei asked his father to allow him to use Guan Yuqing car to drive Uber. “After all, Dad, Yuqing is often flying and her car is simply idle in the garage.” Guan Yongnian gave in to Guan Shulei’s request. Unfortunately, his venture into Ubering failed as he carelessly banged into another car. Guan Yuqing has by then moved out to flat on her own after having an argument with her father regarding the repairs to her car.

Later, Li Bei persuaded Dr. Xu Qingfeng to recommend work and training for Guan Shulei to become a paramedic.

这对小情侣很幸福，尽管李贝知道关树磊严重依赖家人的经济。正如古语所说，“爱是盲目的”。而李贝父母却贪心，利用关永年对关树磊的好感，让李家占据了关家（其实是关雨晴的家）。李贝鼓励关树磊工作，李贝让父亲允许他用关雨晴的车开优步。 “毕竟，爸爸，雨晴经常飞，她的车在车库里简直是闲置着。”关永年答应了关树磊的要求。不幸的是，他不小心撞到了另一辆车，因此进入优步的冒险失败了。关雨晴因为修车的事与父亲发生争执，已自行搬出公寓住。
后来，李贝说服徐庆峰医生为关树磊推荐工作和培训，成为一名护理人员。

Before we introduce the third couple, let us take a little break to read the following articles:

在我们介绍第三对夫妇之前，让我们休息一下，阅读以下文章：

Xu Xiulan (left) and Guan Yongnian (right) - neighbours living in the same residential suburb. They eventually become in-laws as Xu’s son, Dr. Xu Qingfeng (a talented surgeon) marries Guan’s daughter, Guan Yuqing (a successful commercial airline pilot).

徐秀兰（左）和关永年（右）——住在同一个郊区的邻居。他们最终成为姻亲，因为徐的儿子徐庆峰医生（一位才华横溢的外科医生）娶了关的女儿关雨晴（一名成功的商业航空公司飞行员）。

Xu Xiulan works as a mediator in family disputes in the gated community where she lives. The community has twelve residential high rise blocks of apartments and a three level commercial and communal facility building that includes a clinic, a library, a convenience store (7 - 11), and social hall with the roof deck as a Tai Chi open air exercise court and a basketball court at another end of the building. Car parking is on two basement levels of the entire complex. Buses stop at the entrance of the community where security guards man the entrance gate at all hours in three shifts. There is also a children’s playground.

徐秀兰在她居住的封闭式社区担任家庭纠纷的调解员。社区有十二栋住宅高层公寓楼和三层商业和公共设施大楼，包括诊所、图书馆、便利店（7-11）和社交大厅，屋顶甲板作为太极露天运动球场和大楼另一端的篮球场。停车场位于整个建筑群的地下两层。公共汽车停在社区入口处，保安人员三班倒在所有时间守卫入口大门。还有一个儿童游乐场。

Guan Yongnian is shown here talking to a group of ladies in the community canvassing votes to be the Chairman of the Community Management Group. Last year he was elected as the Deputy Chair and he wants to be the Chair this year but unfortunately, he is not elected to that post. He is naturally disappointed.

图为关永年与一群在社区拉票的女士交谈，以担任社区管理组主席。去年他被选为副主席，今年他想成为主席，但不幸的是，他没有被选为那个职位。他自然感到完全失望。

Third Couple: Guan Yuqing and Xu Qingfeng

第三对：关雨晴和许晴峰。

Imagine this scenario. You are in love with each other, but your parents are against this marriage union. Parents on both sides do not encourage you to develop this relationship any further. What would you do? Guan Yuqing and Xu Qingfeng handle this situation brilliantly. They make no fuss. They do not openly question their parents. They do what any sensible people would do. Their aim is to solve this complex question together using the well known phrase “Yes, … (after a pause that seems longer than it really is) … But …”

想象一下这个场景。你们彼此相爱，但你们的父母反对这种婚姻结合。双方父母都不鼓励你进一步发展这种关系。你会怎么做？关羽晴和许清风处理得非常出色。他们没有大你看，关雨晴的爸爸讨厌许晴峰的妈妈许秀兰，她在小区里一直以“好管闲事”着称。但那是她的工作。作为家庭调解员，她的工作是参与家庭纠纷，无论纠纷多么小——关于食物、关于误解、关于人格冲突、关于家庭财务。关永年，雨晴的爸爸，简直就是讨厌霸道的女人，就是这样！比实际更长的停顿之后）......但是......”一起解决这个复杂的问题.

You see, Guan Yuqing’s father hates Xu Qingfeng’s mother Xu Xiulan who has been well known in the residential community as a “busybody”. But that is her job. As a family mediator, it is her job to be involved in family disputes no matter how small that dispute may be - over food, over misunderstandings, over personality clash, over family finances. Guan Yongnian, Yuqing’s dad simply hates a dominating lady, that’s it!

你看，关雨晴的爸爸讨厌许晴峰的妈妈许秀兰，她在小区里一直以“好管闲事”着称。但那是她的工作。作为家庭调解员，她的工作是参与家庭纠纷，无论纠纷多么小——关于食物、关于误解、关于人格冲突、关于家庭财务。关永年，雨晴的爸爸，简直就是讨厌霸道的女人，就是这样！

Xu Xiulan is a possessive lady as far as dealing with her only son is concerned. She has been divorced since Qingfeng was eleven years old and thus she is demanding of Qingfeng’s attention every time Qingfeng get involved with a love affair. In Xu Xiulan’s opinion, her future daughter-in-law must treat her son with at least the same attention as she does. This becomes impossible for any meaningful young family where both husband and wife have to do professional works on their own. Both Guan Yuqing and Xu Qingfeng moved out of their families’ environment by flatting out to find their happiness and to resolve this challenge by joint efforts. Eventually, logic prevails and both Xu Xiulan and Guan Yongnian see the need to be happy with the union of this happy couple.

徐秀兰是个占有欲很强的女人，对待独生子。她从许晴峰十一岁就离婚了，所以每次许晴峰谈恋爱，她都要求许晴峰的注意。在许秀兰看来，未来的儿媳妇至少要和她一样重视儿子。这对于任何有意义的年轻家庭来说都是不可能的，因为夫妻双方都必须自己做专业工作。关雨晴和许晴峰都走出了家庭环境，拼命寻找幸福，共同应对挑战。最终，逻辑占了上风，徐秀兰和关永年都看到了这对幸福夫妻的结合需要幸福。

Fourth Couple: Xu Xiulan and Guo Jiangling

第四对：许秀兰和郭江玲.

Life to all of us has always been full of twists and turns. The heart surgeon Dr. Xu Qingfeng happens to work in the very hospital that his biological father, another specialist doctor, Gao Jiangling, who is the President of the Hospital Board. Because Xu Xiulan had changed her son’s surname to her own, the two did not recognise their father-and-son relationship until much later when Xu Xiulan demands to see President when she thought that her son was unfairly treated at work.

我们所有人的生活总是充满曲折。心脏外科医生徐庆峰医生恰好在他的亲生父亲，另一位专科医生高江玲所在的医院工作，他是医院董事会主席。因为许秀兰把儿子的姓改成了自己的，所以直到许秀兰认为儿子在工作中受到不公平对待，许秀兰要求见总裁时，两人才承认父子关系。

There had been a misunderstanding in Xu Xiulan’s relationship with Dr. Gao Jiangling in the past that was never resolved. True, there had been a third party involvement but that third party, who was a nurse in Dr. Gao’s team, was just one sided as Dr. Gao Jiangling never wanted to have an affair, remaining loyal to Xu Xiulan, even after their divorce. It was again the jealousy of Xiulan and the forcefulness of Xiulan that separated this pair for years.

之前许秀兰和高江陵医生的关系一直有误会，一直没有解决。的确，有第三方参与，但那个第三方，高医生团队的护士，只是一面之词，因为高江玲医生从不想外遇，对许秀兰忠诚，即使在他们离婚后.又是秀兰的嫉妒和秀兰的强势，让这一对隔了多年。

That misunderstanding was cleared only after so many years when Gao lived alone and concentrated his time a hundred percent to his medical research work and to his hospital administration. That third party nurse had long disappeared from the scene as she had migrated to the United States of America.

这一误会在高独居这么多年后才被消除，他将自己的时间百分百投入到医学研究和医院管理上。那个第三方护士在移居美国时早已从现场消失了。

Fifth Couple: Guan Duoyun and Chen Zhijun

第五对：关多云和陈志军

These two were happily married with a teenage son at boarding school until one day a colleague of Chen Zhijun wanted to take advantage of Chen for promotion prospects by pretending to be in love with him. When Chen Zhijun pays too much attention to this lady, Guan Duoyun confronts Chen and forces a divorce. The marriage comes to an end.

这两个人结婚很幸福。他们有一个十几岁的儿子在寄宿学校。有一天，陈志军的一位同事假装爱他，想利用陈志军的晋升机会。陈志军太在意这位女士，关多云对质陈志军，强行离婚。婚姻走到了尽头。

When Chen realises that the colleague is not falling for him all, he comes to his senses and begs for forgiveness from Guan Duoyun. After much persuasion from other members of the Guan family, the pair finally reunited again and remarried to the delight of the family.

当陈意识到同事并没有完全爱上他时，他回过神来，请求关多云的原谅。在关家其他人的多方劝说下，两人终于重逢，并在一家人的欢喜中复婚。

Chen Zhijun meets up with lady colleague secretly for lunch and spends his savings on her, buying dresses and jewellery items as gifts to her.

陈志军偷偷约见女同事吃午饭，把积蓄花在她身上，买了衣服和首饰作为礼物送给她。

In the bedroom, Chen Zhijun still texts his colleague while his wife Guan Duoyun thinks he is simply playing computer games on the internet.

卧室里，陈志军还在给同事发短信，而他的妻子关多云则认为他只是在网上玩电脑游戏。

Sixth Couple: Li Aiguo and Zhao Mei

第六对：李爱国和赵梅

Li Aiguo and Zhao Mei are Li Bei’s parents. They endorse Li Bei’s lover Guan Shulei only on the condition that Shulei can get his parents to agree on giving up Guan’s family home to them. As soon as Guan Yongnian agrees on this, their next demand is for Guan Yuqing’s car to be used by Guan Shulei for Uber. Their demands for Guan Yongnian’s possession appear to have no end until their daughter Li Bei puts a stop by threatening to elope with Shulei.

At the end Li Bei helps her dad Li Aiguo to turn over a new leaf by becoming involved with Guan Shulei’s paramedics work.

李爱国和赵梅是李贝的父母。他们支持李北的情人关树磊，条件是树磊可以让他的父母同意将关家的房子让给他们。管永年一同意，他们的下一个要求就是关雨晴的车，让关树磊用在优步上。他们对管永年的要求似乎永无止境，直到他们的女儿李贝威胁要与树磊私奔，才阻止了他们。

Synopsis of the story:

Airline pilot Guan Yuqing was trained by South African Airlines and she, as one of the few female captains of the Airlines returns to China to head one of the Chinese domestic airlines stationed in Beijing. She met up accidentally with Doctor Xu Qingfeng, a heart specialist surgeon of Yanxi Hospital on several occasions and they become friends, then close friends and then lovers. Their parents, however, have unrealistic demands on them, putting relentless pressure on their patience. Guan’s parents use all of her savings that she keeps for them (including the house she bought for them) to finance her younger and only brother’s marriage, in the name of keeping their family name alive. Xu’s solo mother is a possessive lady who tests all the ladies that come close to Dr. Xu and she gauges all prospective lovers of Xu through her own self judgements, ending up that none of Xu’s former girlfriends ever passed his mother’s test. The way that both Guan Yuqing and Xu Qingfeng can escape is to work harder and longer hours so that they are away from home as much as possible. They realise that they have to face their family problems, not as individuals but as a team working together. This is not an easy journey as both families are against their relationship. Can their love and determination overcome the many obstacles placed in front of them?

故事概要：
航空公司飞行员关雨晴曾接受过南非航空公司的培训，她作为航空公司为数不多的女机长之一返回中国，领导了驻扎在北京的中国国内航空公司之一。她与延禧医院的心脏专科外科医生许晴峰医生数次偶遇，两人成为朋友、知心朋友、恋人。然而，他们的父母对他们提出了不切实际的要求，对他们的耐心施加了无情的压力。关的父母用她为他们留下的所有积蓄（包括她为他们买的房子）以保持家族姓氏的名义为她唯一的弟弟和弟弟的婚姻提供资金。许的独生母是一个占有欲很强的女人，她会测试所有接近许医生的女士，她通过自己的判断来衡量所有准许许的恋人，结果许的前女友没有一个通过他母亲的测试。关雨晴和许晴峰逃走的办法，就是加倍努力，加班加点，尽量远离家乡。他们意识到他们必须面对家庭问题，而不是作为个人，而是作为一个团队一起工作。这不是一个容易的旅程，因为两个家庭都反对他们的关系。他们的爱和决心能否克服摆在他们面前的许多障碍呢？

On the flight back to China, the plane met several turbulences and Guan Yu Qing, as a passenger, had to take over control of the plane as the pilot had a heart attack on board. The surgeon who attended to the South African pilot happened to be Dr. Xu Qingfeng and that was the first of several other encounters of the two - Guan and Xu.

在返回中国的航班上，飞机遇到了几次颠簸，作为一名乘客的关雨晴不得不接管了飞机的控制权，因为飞行员在机上突发心脏病。给南非飞行员看病的外科医生恰好是许晴峰医生，那是关和徐两人的其他几次相遇中的第一次。

Dr. Xu at work at the Hospital discussing with his team how best to deal with a case of the South African pilot that crops up from the Emergency Ward.

徐医生在医院工作，与他的团队讨论如何最好地处理从急诊病房突然出现的南非飞行员病例。

What are the lessons to be learned from this story:

从这个故事中可以学到什么教训：

(1) Never spoil our children. Love for our children includes disciplining them, bringing them up as good citizens of our country for the morrow.

(1) 永远不要宠坏我们的孩子。对我们孩子的爱包括管教他们，把他们培养成明天我们国家的好公民。

QuanYongnian knows very well that his son will only ask him for the money to buy another new car.

Guan Yongnian’s son is Guan Shulei, who is very spoilt by his parents, especially by his father who keeps reminding his family members (wife and two daughters, both older than Shulei) that Shulei carries the family surname and deserves to be treated well.

关永年的儿子是关树磊，他被父母宠坏了，尤其是他的父亲一直提醒家人（妻子和两个女儿，都比树磊大），树磊是家姓，值得被善待。

(2) When we care for our loved ones, there can be no obstacle that can stop us from our mutual love for one another. We can also resolve all possible conflicts peacefully and without any animosity.

(2) 当我们关心我们所爱的人时，没有任何障碍可以阻止我们彼此相爱。我们也可以和平解决所有可能的冲突，没有任何敌意。

(3) The two parties to any marriage must be prepared to “give” to each other the love and care more than the wish to “take” from each other. The principle of giving more than taking is the essential ingredient to any long-lasting and happy marriage.

(3) 任何婚姻的双方都必须准备好给予对方更多的爱和关怀，而不是希望从对方那里“获取”。给予多于索取的原则是任何持久幸福婚姻的基本要素。

This article is based on the story found in the Chinese Drama entitled “Centimetre of Love”. There are forty-four episodes altogether. Anyone interested in watching this drama with English subtitles, links to the first ten episode on YouTube are given below. Thereafter, follow the auto-generated links from episode 11 on. Thanks.

本文根据中国话剧《一厘米的爱》中的故事改编。一共四十四集。任何有兴趣观看这部带有英文字幕的戏剧的人，YouTube 前十集的链接如下。此后，请按照第 11 集开始的自动生成链接进行操作。谢谢。

本文根据中国话剧《一厘米的爱》中的故事改编。一共四十四集。任何有兴趣观看这部带有英文字幕的戏剧的人，YouTube 前十集的链接如下。此后，请按照第 11 集开始的自动生成链接进行操作。谢谢。

Episode 1: https://youtu.be/ak7ednK7yQo

Episode 2: https://youtu.be/nSIySb1Fy8E

Episode 3: https://youtu.be/2LTq5RmgNPc

Episode 4: https://youtu.be/IIR6u6fF9JQ

Episode 5: https://youtu.be/3QRGvfzpuuA

Episode 6: https://youtu.be/VzOWVEqZL94

Episode 7: https://youtu.be/mdccokkfJbE

Episode 8: https://youtu.be/EDAPHPTO0yE

Episode 9: https://youtu.be/U9p_mKWAnBQ

Episode 10: https://youtu.be/HyFfbqqWCz0