Jokes that are worth sharing 此页面中的笑话值得共享
# 1. He was just opening the door of his Mercedes-Benz when a speeding car came along and ripped off that door. He saw a lady police officer who happened to be passing by, and he complained, “Officer, look what they’ve done to my door.”
“Can you be less materialistic?” the officer replied, “and let me bring you to the nearest hospital.”
He looked at the officer who had his bloody right arm in her hand.
“Oh, dear,” he exclaimed. “Where is my Rolex?”
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# 2. At an interview for a job the employer told the applicant, “We required a responsible person for the job.”
“No problem, Sir,” replied the applicant, “I am well qualified for the job because, in all the jobs I had, I was consistently told that I was responsible.” The applicant did not add the words “for all failures” that all her previous bosses had said.
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# 3. “May I take your order, Sir,” asked the waitress.
“Before I do that, can I ask how your chicken in this sweet and sour is prepared?” the guest asked.
“Oh, it’s nothing too special, Sir,” the waitress confided, “We just tell the chicken straight up that she is going to die.”
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# 4. The nuns were painting the rooms in their church on a very hot day. After sweating for several hours in their black robes, they decided to take off all of their clothes and do the painting naked.
There was a knock on the church door and the senior nun asked “Who is there?”
“The blind man,” came the reply.
The nuns agreed to let him in as he would not be able to see a thing. They were surprised to see that he was able to walk around the rooms with no difficulty.
“Okay, Sisters,” he finally asked, “where do you want the blinds?”
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# 5. A judge saw the same offender coming before him for the umpteenth time. “I thought that I never want to see you in here again?”
“Yes, Your Honour,” came the reply, “That is exactly what I told the police officer but he insisted that I come in anyway.”
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# 6. The pastor asked the children, “Why is it necessary to keep quiet in church?”
A little boy replied, “Because people are sleeping.”
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# 7. Teacher: Please use the word wagon in a sentence.
Student: I told my dog to stop waggon his tail.
Teacher: Please use the word discount in a sentence.
Student: Does discount as a sentence?
Teacher: What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
Student: One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
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# 8. Teacher: Why are you late to school?
Student: There was this man who lost his $100 note.
Teacher: So you helped him to find it?
Student: No, I was stepping on it for a good twenty minutes.
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# 9. Question: What is LOVE?
Answer: LOVE is the seventh sense that kills all of our six senses and makes us talk nonsense.
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# 10. Question: What starts with an ‘E’ and ends with another ‘E’ and has only one letter in it?
Answer: Envelope.
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# 11. A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.
Boy: Why do you look so fat?
Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me.
Boy: Is it a good baby?
Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby.
Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
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# 12. Traffic police on his fast motorbike stopped a car when he spotted the driver doing her knitting while driving.
Police: Didn’t you hear me shouting “Pull over?”
Drive: Yes, and I did shout back the answer, “No, just a pair of socks.”
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HOMEWORK: Find twelve more interesting jokes (or invent some) and email them to [email protected]
# 1: 当一辆超速汽车驶入并撕下那扇门时，他只是在打开奔驰的车门。他看到一位正巧路过的女警官，抱怨道：“军官，看看他们对我的门做了什么。” “你能减少物质主义吗？”军官回答：“让我带你去最近的医院。”他看着他满鲜血的右手沾满鲜血。“哦，亲爱的,” 他叫道。 “我的劳力士不见了？”
# 2: 雇主在面试工作中告诉求职者：“我们要求的是一个有负责心的人员。”。 申请人回答说：“主席先生，没问题，因为所有我以前的雇主都说我有负责任的心，所以我很适合这份工作。” 申请人没有添加她以前的所有老板曾说过的“所有失败” 的一词。
# 3: 服务员: 你要吃些怎么那？“
客人: 我能问一下您们怎样准备这种酸甜的鸡肉呢？” 客人问。
女服务员：哦，没什么特别的，先生，我们只是直截了当地告诉这只鸡她快要死了。
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# 4: 炎热的日子里，修女们在教堂的房间里粉刷。在穿着黑色长袍出汗几个小时后，他们决定脱下所有衣服，裸着做这幅画。
教堂的门被敲门，高级修女问：“谁在那儿？”“瞎子。” 门外的人回答。
修女们同意让他进去，因为他看不到任何东西。他们惊讶地发现他能够毫不费力地在房间里走来走去。
“好吧，姐妹们，”他最后问，“你想在哪里遮帘？”
英语的字 ‘blind’ 有两个意思 ：（1）瞎子；（2）遮帘。
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# 5:
法官第十一次看到同一犯人在他面前。 “我以和你说过我不想在这里再见到你吗？“
“是的，荣誉的法官，“ 他回答说，“那正是我告诉警察的，但他坚持要我进来。”
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#6:
牧师问孩子们：“为什么要在教堂里保持安静？”
一个小男孩回答：“因为教会人们到在睡觉中。”
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# 7: 老师：请在句子中使用 ‘行货’ 那倆个字。
学生：我告诉我的狗不要再摇他的尾巴。
注意：waggon = 货车; tail wagging = 尾摆
老师：请在句子中使用’折扣’一词。
学生：打折是句子吗？注意: discount = 折扣; ‘this count’ = 这个 计数. （同音）。
老师：‘猫’ 和‘逗号’有什么区别？
学生：一个是手未的爪子，另一个是子句结尾的爪子。
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# 8: 老师：你为什么上学迟到？
学生：有一个人丢了他的 $100钞票。
老师：那你帮他找到了吗？
学生：不，我踩了那张钞票20分钟。
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# 9: 问题：什么是爱？
答：爱是第七种感觉，它杀死了我们所有的六个感觉，使我们胡说八道。
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# 10: 问题：什么以 “ E” 开头，以另一个 “ E” 结尾且仅包含一个字母？
答：信封。
同音： letter = 字母 = 信封。
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# 11: 一个3岁男孩坐在一名孕妇附近。
男孩：你为什么看起来那么胖？
孕妇：我内有一个婴儿。
男孩：这是个好孩子吗？
孕妇：是的，这是一个非常好的婴儿。
男孩：那你为什么吃了他呢？
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# 12: 当他发现驾驶员在开车时编织时，骑着快速摩托车的交警拦下了这辆汽车。
警察：您没有听到我大喊“停下来吗”吗？
司机：是的，我的确回答了：“不，只有一双袜子。” 同音： pull over = 套头衫 = 停下来。
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